forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
a search helicopter?!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
