i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
