I'm gonna have a badass scar
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
