the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
