I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Im part way to drunk.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
