I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
