My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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