i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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