We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
