He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
