Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
