I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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