We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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