I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
