I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
