YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
