i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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