You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
