tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
