Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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