hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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