just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
