Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
