you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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