Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I said "one day" and that day is not today
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
