I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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