im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
