A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
NoShamevember. You game?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
