I seem to have left my pride at pride
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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