My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
