oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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