Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
