distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
