We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
