I just made out with a guy for $7.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
