Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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