I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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