he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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