remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
