I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
