I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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