Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I love having hate sex.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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