I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
