I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
