Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
