Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
