im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
