3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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