Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
