Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
