wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
