we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
