Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
