Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
