I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we're making bets on your personal life
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
