She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
