I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
